


All I've Lost in the Fight

by scilessweetheart



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Anxiety, Civil War Team Iron Man, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Howard Stark's Bad Parenting, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark Friendship, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Child Abuse, References to Depression, Song Lyrics, Songfic, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:20:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25760482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scilessweetheart/pseuds/scilessweetheart
Summary: A Song Fic to Sleeping at Last's "Atlas: Eight". Tony Stark's past is mostly a mystery. Filled with childhood memories, both good and bad, and his experience at MIT. Then, there are things that are public knowledge, such as his questionable life decisions and his adventures as an Avenger. The Avengers think they know the man in front of them, but do they really?
Relationships: James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark, Pepper Potts & Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Tony Stark & Avengers Team
Comments: 3
Kudos: 112





	All I've Lost in the Fight

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everybody. Here’s a little bit of an explanation on what this is. I heard the song “Atlas Eight” by Sleeping at Last (which is a great song, by the way) and it just sounded so much like Tony Stark that I had to make a song fic. I couldn't put all the lyrics in it, so I suggest you just listen to it as you go. This is basically a collection of brief one shots that start with his early life and then various clips from canon. I hope you like it!!
> 
> TW: There are mentions of child abuse, anxiety, and depression in this, so if that is a trigger for you, proceed with caution.

Tony's life was multifaceted. He had his arrogant personality and playboy years that were common knowledge at this point. He had his adventures with the Avengers and the pros and cons of that. He had his messy childhood filled with motherly smiles, caring hands, and harsh smacks. He had his life after the Avengers with people who really cared for him. Flashbacks from each era come back to him constantly. And all of it explains who Tony Stark really is.

_1972_

His first memory- baking with his mom at a slight two years old.

He padded into the kitchen, his bare feet tingling from the cold tile. He had just woken up from his nap and was looking for something interesting to do, when he saw his mom in the kitchen. She was standing at the island, her blonde hair draped around her face like a curtain as her head hung over the instruction book, her eyes scanning the page for measurements.

She looked up and her eyes brightened as she gestured for him to come closer. "Hello there, my little bambino. Would you like to help me out?"

"Yes, yes, yes!" He cheered as he ran over to her.

"Well then hop up on that stool and you can help me mix the dough." He did as he was told and hopped into the stool across from where she was standing with a little bit of difficulty. Much to both of their pleasure, he was able to do it without help.

Maria Stark held out a glass jar filled with brown sugar used for baking. "Here- would you like some?"

"Yes, please." The young boy said eagerly.

"What good manners you have! Here you go. You can take a small clump. It's tradition, after all." Tony reached his hand into the jar and was able to use his small, stubby fingers to grab the biggest clump of brown sugar, which amused his mother.

The Starks, well, Maria, Tony, and their butler, Edwin Jarvis, had a tradition that whenever they would bake using brown sugar, they were each allowed one clump to eat. Just one, and only on this special occasion, though. It delighted Tony each time.

"Now, we have to put it in the oven. It is at three hundred and fifty degrees!" She tells him as his eyes widen.

He exclaims, "Wow, that is really hot!"

"Yes," She smiles fondly. "it is. Now be careful not to burn yourself."

He knew that he wasn't supposed to touch it – he was a smart boy – but he also was so curious. His mama said it was really hot, but how hot did over three hundred degrees feel like?

Tony, despite her warnings, reached out and toughed the metal rack. "Ouch!"

"Oh, poor baby." She coons, pulling him into a hug after the dessert was safely in the oven.

"It stings real bad, mama!" He cries out, protectively covering his finger.

"Here, put your finger under the cold water while I get you a band-aid." She turns on the kitchen sink water and puts him on the counter to run his hand underneath it. She then bends down to pull out a small Captain America band-aid from their cabinet under the sink. After he had plenty of time to cool down and wash the wound, she wraps it around his pointer finger with care, giving it a quick kiss. "There we go – all better."

"Thank you." He murmurs under his breath, now embarrassed that he had done something so silly.

"You know what would make you feel better?" His mother asks, playfully.

"What?" Tony looks up quickly, with wide, hopeful eyes.

"Some warm cookies." She smiles, as she pulls the rack of warm chocolate chip cookies out of the oven.

Once they were the appropriate temperature, Tony was quickly cheered up by the gooey treats that he helped make and the warm feeling from being around his mother.

_1974_

"Hey Mr. Jarvis, what are you doing?" Tony poked his head into the kitchen to see his butler standing over the sink, whistling a tune.

Edwin Jarvis turned around to address the four-year-old with a small smile on his face. "I'm just cleaning up the kitchen."

"Can I help?" Tony asked eagerly running over to stand next to the older man.

Jarvis cocked his head to the side and questioned the little boy. "I am unsure of why you are interested."

"I want you to play cars with me." Tony stated, as if that was obvious.

The butler finished drying a dish and placed it in the cabinet, while explaining to the boy, "Well, I am currently busy at the moment. Maybe when I am done?"

"Exactly! If I help, it will go by faster. I wanna play cars." Tony explained, rather intelligently.

"Alright, then. That is very smart." Jarvis beamed at him.

"Thanks! So, what can I do?" Tony asked eagerly, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

"How about I can rinse the dishes and you can dry them." Jarvis offered.

"Sounds perfect!" The younger boy chirped.

Jarvis picked him up and placed him on the counter next to the sink before handing him a small towel. Jarvis carefully demonstrated how to properly dry the dish. Tony carefully did as he was told, and before he knew it, all the dishes were done. Tony had to wait one more minute so Jarvis could put the dishes back in the cabinets, but finally, Jarvis was ready.

"Alright, that is the last thing. Thank you for your help, young sir." He thanked the boy with a fond smile.

"Jarvis! I told you to just call me Tony." The young boy pouted.

The butler shook his head with exasperation. "Alright Tony. If you insist."

"I do." Tony nodded, proud of himself. "Can we play cars now?"

"I guess that would be all right." Jarvis pretended to sigh, and Tony jumped with excitement before grabbing Jarvis's hand and pulling him up the stairs to his room.

"Okay. I want the red and gold sportscar. There is also a blue truck, a purple muscle car, a green convertible, and a couple others, but those are my favorites. Which one do you want? I think the purple car suits you best, but you can pick." He rambled on, as they walked up the steps and into his room.

"I am alright with the purple one." Jarvis agrees.

"Perfect!" In Tony's room, a long track is set up across the floor along with a few other tracks such as loops and circles. "Okay, so here is the track. We can race them. Just push it really fast and the first one to make it to the end wins. Are you ready?"

"Yes, sir." Jarvis nods, as they sit down in front of their respective lanes.

"Okay. I am too. Ready… set… go!" And the two cars took off.

_1975_

Tony had become very fond of coloring. He liked being creative, he liked bright colors, and he liked showing his mom things. It just became a little frustrating when his pictures didn't turn out how he wanted them to. He was currently sitting in his living room working on his own superhero that could fight with Captain America.

"Hello there, Antonio. What are you doing?" His mom asked, coming up behind him to peer at his drawing.

"Coloring." He replied casually, while scribbling the blue in the sky.

"Coloring what?"

"A superhero!" This caught his attention, as he picked up his drawing to show her specific parts.

He was very proud of it. It was a man in a metal suit flying through the sky. He had wanted it to look like a personal airplane. He hadn't figured out the specifics quite yet, but he wanted to build it some day. Beneath him, there were tall buildings with various super villains on them. Tony wasn't quite sure if he was brave enough to be a super hero, but it was fun to think about.

"A superhero? That is incredible!"

"Yeah! Like Captain America! Well, not the same as Captain America, but he is a good guy like Steve Rogers. He can fly, shoot lasers, and wears this awesome suit!" He babbled.

His father snorts a laugh from his chair in the corner of the room, not bothering to look up from his newspaper. "That is unrealistic."

"I know, but I like to think about it." Tony shrugged, unbothered. He was used to his father's coarseness.

"What would the power source be? It couldn't be self-sustaining." Howard pressed, ignoring the dirty looks Maria was shooting him.

"Hmm… an arc reactor! But a little one, so it could work. Those are really cool."

Howard finally looked up, frowning. "I don't think the arc reactor could-"

Maria quickly cuts him off. "That is so smart! My brilliant little bambino."

"Can you pass me the markers? I want to color it."

"What colors do you want?"

"Red and yellow. Yellow is really close to gold and I want it to match my red and gold hot wheels car."

"That is a very cool car." Maria nods with approval, passing him the large box of markers.

"Thanks! Jarvis thinks so too."

"You've been playing cars with Mr. Jarvis?" Howard looks up sharply.

"Yep!"

Howard's scowl deepens. "'Yep' is not a word, Anthony."

Tony, noticing the change in energy, becomes serious. "Sorry, father. Yes, Mr. Jarvis has played cars with me before when my nanny was out sick."

"But that isn't his job and-"

"How very nice of him!" Maria smiled at her son and ruffled his hair.

"I know!" The boy's smile returned. "Anyway, I'm going to keep coloring now."

"What are you going to name him?"

"I am not sure. The material that would make him would be gold titanium alloy, but 'gold titanium alloy man' doesn't sound very cool."

"You could just call him Iron Man."

"That isn't factually accurate." Tony points out, making his mother laugh.

"No, but it sounds cool. Superheroes need cool names."

"I like it!" He splits into a grin before holding up his picture. "Look out bad guys! Here comes Iron Man!"

_1978_

Tony woke up excited. It was his birthday! His favorite day of the whole year. Even though it was only seven in the morning, he felt awake and ready to start the day. The sky was bright enough already that he could see around his room. Right as he started to wonder if his parents were awake, the door cracked open and Maria Stark appeared.

"Happy birthday, Antonio!" His mom greeted him, entering his room.

The boy managed a sleepy smile and rubbed his eyes. "Thank you, Mama!"

"You are eight years old now! Practically a man. Do you feel any different?"

"Not really."

"Well, hopefully that will change. Now, come on. Get dressed! I have a surprise waiting for you downstairs."

"Okay!"

He did as he was told. He removed his Captain America pajamas and put on a pair of jeans and his favorite tee shirt. He pulled on his socks before brushing his teeth and finally making his way downstairs. When he entered the kitchen, he was greeted by his mother and his butler, Edwin Jarvis. A big breakfast sprawled across the counter a long with a few presents. His face lit up.

"Happy birthday, young sir." Jarvis greeted him, as the boy sat at the table.

"Jarvis! You made me pancakes?"

"With chocolate chips, just the way you like them." The butler responded with a kind smile.

"Awesome!"

His mother sits in the chair next to him. "We have some presents for you too, would you like to wait to open them or do you want them now?"

"I wanna wait for dad." Tony insists, picking up his fork.

"Tony…" Maria trails off.

"What is it?"

Her and Edwin Jarvis exchange a look that Tony didn't understand.

"Your dad was called away for a business trip. He won't be here today."

Tony's face fell. "What? But it's my birthday!"

"I know, and I'm sorry. I guess you will have to settle for just me and Mr. Jarvis. Such a big disappointment for you I'm sure." Maria says, leaning over to tickle him.

Tony sighs and focuses on what is in front of him. "No, no, no! You guys are the best! Now let's go get my presents."

After an eventful day of visiting the zoo and going to his favorite restaurant, he returns to his house to eat his birthday cake. It is a double layered chocolate ice cream cake. He had been begging his mother for it for days. On top sat eight candles, already lit.

"Make a wish!" Maria encourages him.

_I wish my dad was here._

"What did you wish for?" Jarvis asks, pulling plates out of the cabinet.

"I can't tell you, Jarvis, or else it won't come true!" Tony informs him.

"Oh, my apologies. You are correct."

"It's okay. Let's cut the cake!"

That night, as Maria tucks Tony into bed, she asks him. "How was your birthday, bambino?"

"It was great." He tells her.

"But not perfect?"

He avoids her gaze as he says, "I miss dad."

"I know, you do. Maybe he will pick you up something from his trip? He went to Japan!"

"Wow!" A small smile sits on Tony's face as he thinks of what he would want. "Maybe he will."

_1981_

Tony, despite the fact that he is eleven years old, is already in high school. His mother fought against it, wanting him to have a normal life, but Howard insisted. Apparently, he is a certified genius. Tony doesn't know what to think of that yet.

He is currently sitting at the old mahogany desk in his room, tinkering with an old circuit board, procrastinating his homework. That is, until his father enters his room. Howard stands in the doorway, observing Tony as he works. Tony isn't sure what is happening, but Howard hardly ever seeks him out unless he is angry or wants something.

After a few minutes of this, Howard tells him, "Anthony, come down to the lab."

"Yes, sir." Tony replies.

Howard curtly leaves the room without checking to see if Tony is following him, causing the boy to scramble down the steps after him.

"Come over here and look at this." Howard tells the boy, pointing at a missile blueprint on the older man's lab table. "Can you see it?"

"Yes, sir."

"You are a smart boy, Anthony."

"Thank you, sir." Tony beams from the compliment. He can't remember the last time he received praise from his father.

"I would like you to improve this."

That caught the boy off guard. "What?"

"This is a missile designed by one of the new employees. There are many faults with it. My team and I are working on the larger missiles and do not have time to fix this mess. You need to do it."

"But sir, I-" Tony starts to protest.

Howard's eyes narrow and he snaps at the boy. "Are you back talking me?"

"No, sir." Tony stares at the floor.

"Then are you going to work on it?"

"Yes, sir."

"I want it by tomorrow."

Tony's breath catches in his throat. His homework, plus school, didn't leave a lot of time for this side project, but he couldn't let his father down. Besides, he doesn't think Howard will take 'no' for an answer. So, instead, he resolves to pull and all-nighter and says "Yes, sir."

Luckily, he managed to get everything done. His homework was poor quality and he didn't sleep at all, but it was all worth it for the look on Howard's face when he returned the blueprints to him.

"Brilliant, Anthony!" He told his son with a smile.

Tony grinned. "Thank you, sir."

"You have proved yourself to be especially useful. Now, I have a few more designs for you that I need by the end of the week."

Tony's face fell. Was this insane workload worth the praise of his father. He is torn. Except, now he gets the chance to really be useful and gain the approval of his father.

"But I have homework and Jarvis wants to-" Tony tries to reason with him.

"Anthony! I need these by this week! Are you going to do it or are you as weak as I thought?" Howard snaps.

Tony has no choice but to agree. "I'll do it, sir. I won't let you down."

_1986_

He was at a house party. One of those super lame college frat parties where people get drunk off of cheap beer and throw up in the bushes. Tony loved these parties. It was super easy to get wasted and forget everything. James Rhodes, on the other hand, could do without them.

James was off to the side with a couple of buddies, sipping on a soda. He wasn't much for drinking alcohol. They were all watching Tony Stark across the room rapidly get trashed.

"Damn, that was some good shit right there." Tony called out after downing what was probably his eleventh shot of the night.

"Man, that Stark kid can really down it." James' friend, Mikey, comments.

"He shouldn't be drinking." James mutters, rolling his eyes.

"Oh, he's your roommate, right?"

"Unfortunately."

"How old is he again?"

"Sixteen."

"Damn."

"I know."

Mikey looks over at the teenager. "He just threw up in that potted plant over there."

"I feel like I should take him home." James tells them, setting down his cup.

"Why? What is he, your ward?" Mikey laughs.

"God no. But he's just a kid."

"He's _Howard Stark's_ kid." Mikey points out.

"Screw it. See you later, Mikey."

"Later, Rhodes."

James walks over and hauls up the teenager from his spot of nearly passed out on the floor.

"All right, Stark. Up you go."

"Nope, 'm fine." He mumbles, weakly trying to push the other boy off of him.

"You can barely walk in a straight line."

"Good. That means 'm doing somethin' right." He smiles, before grabbing another beer off of the table near him.

James loudly sighs and starts to drag Tony to the door. "Nope. You're going back to your dorm."

"M'kay, I can walk."

"Nope. I'll drive you."

Tony's eyes widen and he starts to ramble. "How do you know where I live? Are you some sort of stalker? My dad won't pay ransom."

"No, Jesus Christ. Do you not recognize me?" James asks him, confused.

"Should I?"

"We met last month. I'm your roommate. Not that I've seen you since then." He rolls his eyes, before unlocking the car.

"Ohhhhhhhh, right."

"Get in the car, Stark."

"Fine, fine, mama bear."

When Tony gets in the car, he goes momentarily silent, causing James to give him a nudge. "Don't fall asleep, I don't want you to choke on your own vomit."

Tony shakes himself off and begins to talk. "Whatever. So, what's your name again?"

"James."

"That is _so_ boring. Last name?"

"Rhodes."

"Rhodes. Roads, like the place where cars are. Roadies, like people that travel with musicians. Rhodey! But like, r-h-o-d-e-y. Like a play on your name. Cute right?" He giggled, once again proving to James how wasted he is.

"Okay. Sure. It's not like you're going to remember that when you're sober."

Their conversation is cut off by Tony's phone ringing. Once Tony sees the number, he sobers up very fast, shocking James.

"Hello?" He answers with a steady voice.

"Anthony! What are you doing right now?" James can hear Howard Stark bark at him through the phone.

"I am in the car on the way back to my dorm."

"I was supposed to have those weapons designs six hours ago!"

James is shocked. This sixteen year old is in his final year at MIT with a dual degree, and Howard Stark expects him to regularly deliver weapons designs? While that doesn't excuse Tony's actions, he understands more about the boy.

"I've had class, sir. I didn't have time to-" Tony is quickly cut off.

"I don't want to hear it! It's just one failure after another with you, isn't it. Can you do nothing right? Maybe those terrorists from last month should've kept you from all the good you've done me, you-"

James is so appalled that, for once, he doesn't think before he speaks. He rips the phone out of Tony's hands and yells right into it.

"Hi there. Howard was it? This is Tony's roommate who is tipsy and tired and hanging up on you. Call back tomorrow. Thanks!"

Tony's mouth falls open. "Did you just hang up on Howard Stark?"

"He's a bigger asshole than I thought."

He laughs darkly. "You have no idea."

"Listen, what he said to you-"

Tony just waves him off and casually explains, "Don't worry about it. It isn't anything I haven't heard before. Besides, I probably deserve it because-"

"You don't deserve it. From what I know about you, you are pretty brilliant and already changing technology with those robots of yours. Besides, even if you are messing up, that so extreme and uncalled for that it isn't even in the same area as acceptable."

For once in his life, Tony seemed at a loss for words. "Okay. Thank you."

"Now go inside, drink a bottle of water, and go to sleep."

The next day, when James is making a pot of coffee, Tony stumbles in and initiates a conversation with him.

"Hey, Rhodey. Any chance you could give me a ride to my class across campus? I'm running pretty late. Like, class started fifteen minutes ago."

Rhodey groans, "I thought that nickname was going to die."

"You wish, platypus."

_1984_

When Tony went to MIT, he finally got his own lab space. It was the best day of his life. He was so used to Howard locking him out of the lab or punishing him for being in there, that he hadn't gotten to experience it. The second he walked in, he felt at home. Rows of computers, boxes of parts, gadgets both old and new – it was an engineer's dream. He spent pretty much all of his time in there designing and building new things, except for class, parties, and when Rhodey dragged him back to their dorm to eat something.

In this particular visit to the lab, he had a very clear plan for the day. He didn't sleep at all the night before, designing a robot. He had built robotics components before for various projects, but surprisingly not the full, working thing. He wanted to combine mechanics with artificial intelligence, which he had been studying in depth recently. He wanted to start simple, with a large mechanic arm that can follow instructions and help him out.

He must've been down there for hours, because Rhodey came down to check on him. When Tony's working on something in the lab, Rhodey visits him after his last afternoon class to make sure Tony is taking care of himself. He never is. Tony has assured him multiple times that he is capable of taking care of himself, but Rhodey refuses to give up on the Mama Bear act.

"What are you working on, Tones?"

"Robot." Tony responded, not looking up.

"Sounds cool. What kind?"

"Artificial intelligence arm."

"Are you sure you can handle that?" Rhodey asked.

Tony scoffed. "Please. This is child's play."

"Will you come up to eat something?"

"Busy, Platypus."

"I figured you'd say that. There's a grilled cheese right here." Rhodey told him, setting a plate on the floor next to him.

Tony immediately grabbed the sandwich. "I don't deserve you."

After a few more days of rigorous lab work, Tony finally had a completed robot. The robot had picked up on lots of simple commands and moved around with ease, much to Tony's delight. Although, the robot did have some struggles obeying orders, causing Tony to call him DUM-E. Proud of his work, he called Rhodey down to evaluate his results.

Rhodey entered the room, asking Tony, "So, are you done?"

"Yup."

"Can I see?"

"DUM-E! Go get the plate." DUM-E did, in fact, grab the plate, but he dropped it on the way back to Tony, where it shattered on impact. Tony rolled his eyes. "Lovely."

"That's really impressive." Rhodey told him, watching the robot start to clean up.

"He still has to learn things. He's an idiot but look at him. He's kinda cute. Like a puppy."

"Really good job, Tony."

The boy beamed, as he continued to play with DUM-E. Due to the success of this robot, Tony was already planning out more ideas, such as more robots and a multipurpose artificial intelligence system.

_1993_

Tony's self-destructive tendencies were no surprise to him or anyone else. At this point in his life, his playboy and alcoholic tendencies were well known. He would go home with a new girl after every party. Sometimes more than one. Sometimes boys too. Either way, he wasn't proud of it. In fact, he hated that he did that. But he needed the distraction.

He currently was at a fundraising gala for some business partner to Stark Industries. It had been a long night and he was ready to leave. Someone had stopped him to talk about Howard, though, and how great the man was and how much of a tragedy his death was. Needless to say, Tony was less than willing to hear that. So, when he grabbed his coat and his eyes caught on a beautiful woman with long brown hair and a red low cut dress, he couldn't help it.

"Hi." He greeted, sliding into the barstool next to her.

"Hello, Mr. Stark."

He looked around casually. "This is a pretty boring gala, don't you think?"

"I agree. What do you suggest we do to make it worthwhile?"

"We could head back to my place. We'd probably have more fun there anyway."

"Let me get my coat." She smirked, before following him out the door.

Sleeping around is probably the healthiest of his coping mechanisms, which really says something. He tried drugs for a little bit, but it made his thinking way too slow and he couldn't stand the idea of messing up his brain. Alcohol wasn't much better, but he had built up some tolerance at this point. He had been drinking since he was fifteen.

He didn't sleep. He spent all his free time in the lab or at work. Nightmares and dark thoughts find him no matter what, so he might as well put his time to good use. Only when he hallucinates or physically cannot keep going does he finally rest. He barely ate either. More wasted hours and empty ideas of self-care.

He knows he disappoints Rhodey. His friend had been seeing him go through this since their MIT days. Tony tries really hard, for him. But without Rhodey there to keep him in check and keep him grounded, he was a goner. He tried to keep in touch with his friends as much as possible, but it was difficult. Most of them he knew causally and hadn't seen since their graduation five or six years ago. Rhodey was in the military, making it almost impossible for Tony to talk to him regularly. Long days by himself filled with painful memories does not help one with depression.

He had no idea how to fix himself. After everything, how is he supposed to get better? He has a shitty reputation that will follow him for the rest of his life. The mind altering substances don't work. The distractions don't help. He feels as if he is putting off his inevitable death. This would happen either way because of something catching up to him. Or just him finally deciding life wasn't worth it anymore. He is just so tired. But somehow, he keeps going. Hoping something will finally come along and heal him.

_1995_

Tony could've groaned in frustration. His last personal assistant had quit suddenly due to his eccentric nature and the long hours associated with the job. Tony knew this was coming, the man seemed very frazzled. Anyway, here he was now, having to do all of his regular work in addition to what his assistant did. He was currently doing interviews for the position, but while each person was qualified, none could do what he needed. He was getting dangerously close to hiring the next person to enter his office.

"Sir, your next interview for personal assistant is here." His current security guard, Collins, alerted him.

"Okay send them in."

Right as the door was closing, a red headed woman burst into the room.

"Wait!" She told him, holding out a stack of papers.

"Excuse me miss, you aren't allowed in here." Collins informed her, gently guiding her out.

"Please, I only need a moment." Tony noticed, not only was the woman very pretty, but she was wearing a badge for Stark Industries, informing him that she was employed by him.

"Make an appointment. Now-"

Tony laughed and waved it off, "Calm down, Collins. Let her in."

The security guard rolled his eyes and stepped back, allowing them to have their meeting.

"Thank you." She sighed with relief, straightening out her blouse.

"Hi, how can I help you?" Tony told her with a charming smile.

She approached him with a her chin up. "I'm sorry for the intrusion Mr. Stark, but I only need a moment of your time."

"Go ahead." He said, leaning back casually in his chair.

"My name is Virginia Potts; I work in accounting. I noticed an error in your most recent calculations."

He laughed. "I don't make mistakes."

"Take a look at the numbers, Mr. Stark."

She placed the stack on his desk and he reached over to pick them up. He flipped through them and realized she was, in fact, correct. He raised his eyebrows in shock.

"Well then. It appears you're right. I'll get right on that."

"Thank you." She smiled and collected the papers back from him.

Then, an idea struck him. The woman in front of him, something Potts, already worked for him. She seemed very no-nonsense and practical. She was willing to call him out. She obviously had the credentials. She fits the job description for his PA. The wheels started turning. "Not many people would've had the balls to come to me with this."

"I come with facts and pepper spray, so I knew I'd be fine." She waved him off.

"All right, Pepper. How would you like a promotion?"

She raised her eyebrows at him. "Pepper?"

"A nickname." He shrugged.

She looked at him hesitantly. "New position?"

"My personal assistant."

"Salary?"

"$110,000 per year."

"Can that be negotiated?" At that moment, Tony knew he made the right choice.

"Possibly."

"I'll take it."

He grinned at her. "Perfect. Your first task is to cancel all future interviews for the position."

_1975-2008_

The chilly air bit Tony's skin, making him shiver. He had been waiting for his mother to pick him up for about thirty minutes. His nanny had been fired the previous day and the Starks had yet to find a replacement. Next to him stood his teacher, not-so-subtly checking her watch every thirty seconds. Even at five years old, he knew that this wasn't good. He sighed and wrapped his coat tighter around his little body. When a man came up claiming that he was Tony's uncle and showed some ID, the exasperated adult shoved him in the car without a second thought. That was the first time Tony had been kidnapped. They kept him for four days until Maria paid the ransom behind Howard's back.

After about ten kidnapping attempts, Tony had stopped caring. Well, as much as you can stop caring when your life is in danger. But when Tony found himself with the Ten Rings, he knew this would be different. These people were skilled and very well established. They didn't want ransom money or information he didn't have – they wanted him to build them a missile right in front of them. He didn't know if he could think his way out of this one.

Nonetheless, he and Yinsen came up with a plan. Together, they built a large metal suit that was durable, could fly, and shot missiles. It was a work of pure engineering. He didn't know how the idea came to him, but the second he thought of it, he knew it would work. "Stark men are made of iron," his father had said. Pretty ironic considering how he was currently incased in a large iron suit. The only difference is that this one he created and is freeing him from his shit situation.

He may have physically escaped that cave, but he wasn't the same after. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Yinsen, laying on the patched up bags of corn, gushing blood from his multiple gunshot wounds. Tony could've saved him if he had been a little bit better and a little bit faster. _Goddammit he could still be alive._ Tony filled in all his pools with cement. He only took showers when absolutely necessary because the second the water hit his head, he was back in that cave with his head being plunged into the icy waters and his lungs filling with dirty liquid. He tried to avoid any sort of electric shocks, which is hard in his line of work, because it gives him flashbacks of when the electromagnet in his chest got wet and continued to electrocute him for days. None of this includes the nightmares he gets.

At least he has his friends (sort of). Pepper may question his decisions, but she's here and she helps him out and that is more than he could hope for. Things with Rhodey are complicated. The older man cares for him and wants to be supportive but is getting fed up with Tony's shit, unsurprisingly. He pushes everyone away on purpose. He doesn't want them to see the extent of his issues. He knows better than to rely on others to help him.

_2013_

Tony didn't have PTSD. Anxiety he could handle. He has dealt with depression since he was in middle school. But he refused to add PTSD to the mix. So what if he didn't sleep because he got nightmares from New York? Or that he has been physically unable to talk about it? He's fine.

Instead of dwelling on the past and his deteriorating mental health, he builds his suits. He improves them. He makes more of them. He does whatever he can to make himself feel well prepared for what is coming. None of it is enough.

Pepper calls him out on his unhealthy habits. She has tried to get him to eat and sleep, but it hasn't gone well. When she finally got upset with him, he opened up to her.

"Threat is imminent, and I have to protect the one thing that I can't live without. And that's you."

She had come over and held him. She carefully removed the communications set from his head and put it on the table next to her. She took his hands in hers and rubbed her thumbs across the decades old calluses and burn scars. Some of them small, due to mishaps while in the lab. Some of them much older and severe, due to things Pepper had no idea about. She kissed him on the forehead before pulling him back upstairs.

She had responded "you're all I have too, you know."

He wondered if it was true. It reminded him of the time he made her change his arc reactor. As humorous as it was for him, it was nerve wracking. He physically put his life, his heart specifically, in the hands of another. He never had done that before. But nothing went wrong, so he continued to trust her. He trusts her more than anyone else.

He wants to talk to her about what he saw. What he feels. But he's so afraid that once he starts to talk, he'd never stop. He could easily scare her away with all the baggage he has and the skeletons in his closet. He can barely tolerate his life now and he doesn't have a choice. What would make her stay? He loves her more than he can express and can't stand another heartbreak. He doesn't want to give someone else an excuse to walk away. So he keeps his mouth shut and listens to her attempt to comfort him.

As much as he wants to work on his suits and have that sense of security, having Pepper with him provides some comfort. She balances him out and supports him, which he needs. It's scary to need people. Especially because of the current track record of those who have walked out on him.

_1983_

Tony knew he was in deep shit the minute he opened the email. It was from one of his dad's colleagues about his most recent missile design. It had failed. He could've cried, looking at the report, but he knew that would only make it worse. His dad would be home any minute. Probably drunk. Definitely pissed.

The front door flew open with a loud bang, making Tony jump.

"Anthony! Where are you?" His father bellowed, stomping up the stairs.

Tony's eyes widened with panic so he did the first thing he could think of – he hid in the closet and held the door shut. Not his best move, and he isn't proud of it, but he didn't know what else to do.

"Your mother isn't home, so I can be the one to punish you for this." His father practically growled, barging into his room.

Tony was always let off lighter when his mother was around. She cared about him more when he was little, as she had long since succumbed to sleeping pills and devoting her energy to charity events, but she still loved him. And, if she could help it, she never let Howard lay a hand on him. He loved her so much for that.

Tony held his breath, but he knew it was futile. His father ripped open the door, and when he saw his son curled up in a ball on the floor, he cackled.

"Hiding in the closet like a child? I expected better of you." Tony was thirteen years old; he should've known better. He'll pay for that.

He grabbed Tony by the arm and yanked him out of the closet. Now that Tony was on the floor in the open, Howard kicked him in the stomach, a few times for good measure. When Tony stumbled to his feet, Howard slapped him hard enough for his ring to cut across his face. He was so close to Tony that now the boy could clearly smell the scotch on his breath. He also knew he would have a black eye the next day.

"Don't cry. Stark men are made of iron." Tony could only nod. "Now, get back to work. I'll be in the lab. Don't bother me."

Howard narrowed his eyes at Tony one last time before turning on his heel and exiting the room. The second his father disappeared from view, Tony collapsed on the bed, breathing hard, with tears streaming down his face. He hugged his arms close to his chest and tried to slow his breathing, to no avail.

He heard someone enter the room and involuntarily flinched, before he heard the soft voice of Edwin Jarvis. "Oh, Tony. What happened?"

He opened his eyes to see the butler kneeling in front of him, a look of concern splayed across his face.

"The blueprints I made him failed. There was a calculation error. He was pretty pissed off, to say the least." Tony stuttered out.

"I should've been here. He asked me to go to the store to buy him more liquor."

"It's not your fault Jarvis. You can't always be here." Tony gave him a small, reassuring smile.

"But this isn't okay-"

"And what would happen if you got fired?"

Jarvis purposely avoided the question. "Let me go get you some ice and bandages."

"Okay."

Tony waited, and sure enough, Jarvis came back and carefully wiped the blood off his face and bandaged the cut, before checking Tony's chest for cracked ribs or ruptured organs. This time, Tony suffered no severe damage.

_2010_

Tony had never been more shocked in his life. According to Nick Fury, not only was his father one of the founding members of SHIELD, but he also trusted Tony with the future. He honestly had to laugh at that ridiculous statement.

"My father never told me, he never even told me he liked me, so can you see how this is a little hard for me to digest."

Fury had rolled his eyes and brushed him off, making him frustrated. Fury went on to say that clearly Howard had faith in Tony and both his brilliance and competence. Fury, who thinks he understands Howard better than Tony himself did. Maybe this is true.

But Fury didn't understand the relationship between him and his father. He wasn't there for the drunken nights where Howard swung at him and hardly ever missed. He didn't hear Howard call him "worthless" and "a mistake" more than he referred to Tony by name. Fury didn't understand how there is no way Tony actually believes this false supportive bullshit spewing from his mouth.

Despite Tony, in his own way, trying to convey this to Fury, the older man didn't get the message. Instead, he placed Tony under house arrest in order to create a new element. He is trapped doing an impossible task in an impossible time frame. Sounds familiar.

_1991_

"Alright, here I am." Tony strutted into Stark Industries with sunglasses on and a coffee in hand.

"Ready for your first day on the job, sir?" His assistant asks him, following him into the elevator.

"Absolutely." He said, with complete confidence.

That was a lie of course. Tony's coffee had about six shots of espresso, which was proven to be an unhealthy amount. He was hoping he could blame his jitters on the coffee as opposed to the massive amounts of anxiety he was feeling in that moment. No matter how many times he had shadowed Obi here, he had no idea what to expect. There aren't very many people his age running companies like this.

"Mr. Stane is upstairs in your office, ready to walk you through the day."

"Great, thank you." He said with a grin.

He busted through the doors with authority, causing Obadiah to look up at him. The man, seeing it was Tony, smirked.

"Hello, Obadiah." Tony greeted, sliding into his office chair.

"Tony! Great to see you. Are you excited?" Obadiah asks him, taking the seat across from the desk.

"To take over a billion dollar company at age 21? Absolutely thrilled."

He said it sarcastically, but there is more emotion behind it than Stane would probably catch. Today will be a rough day for him, he already knows. He is getting ready to have a ridiculous amount of work and stress, although that isn't really anything new to him. It is unnerving to be where his father was. His same office, his position, his colleagues. This is the company that made his life a living hell and now he's becoming just like his father. He would rather die than end up like his father. A workaholic, abusive, drunk. So, he vows to be better.

"That's the attitude I like to hear. You've got meetings at ten, twelve thirty, and four fifteen. Don't be late. There's paperwork on your desk that needs to be completed and filed by the end of the day."

"O-oh. Okay." Tony is taken aback.

"Hoping for an easy first day?"

"Kinda." He chuckles nervously.

Stane gives him a smile that came off more condescending than reassuring. "This is an easy day for the CEO of Stark Industries."

He gulps and tries not to show his fear. "Got it."

"Are you sure you're ready to begin?" Obadiah asks, raising his eyebrows at the young man.

"Absolutely."

_2_ _008_

The relationship between Tony and Obadiah was… complicated. Obi was the closest thing Tony had to family since his parents and Jarvis died, other than Pepper and Rhodey (but they were a different kind of family). He was like Tony's uncle. He had grown up with him. Galas, family events, big dinners, etc. He had just always been in Tony's life, and Tony accepted that. That doesn't mean he likes the older man though. Obi has to be the sleaziest person Tony has ever met. Tony would pay a billion dollars to anyone who Obi has been sincere to. Spoiler alert: he wouldn't lose a cent. He's not even likeable. He is rude, offensive, and underhanded. He can see how he and Howard got along. Tony, being the main shareholder in the company, didn't have to put up with Obi's bullshit as much as others, which was good. Despite this, Obi still knows exactly the ways to manipulate Tony. The younger man despises him for this.

Despite his mixed feelings about Obi, Tony never would've expected the betrayal. Under the table dealing? Locking him out of the company? Trying to take his spot as CEO? All things Tony not only expected but prepared for. Yet, Obi surprised him. He pressed Tony back into his vinyl couch and physically removed Tony's heart from him. He had stared into Obadiah's malicious blue eyes as the man had told him how selfish and worthless he was. Obi had every intent to murder Tony right in his own home for the chance of power and money. Not only that, but Obi had been the reason for Tony's little stay with the Ten Rings – arguably the worst time of his life. The fear Tony felt as all this became known was indescribable. This is the man that he had begrudgingly trusted (against his better judgement, he might add), and Obadiah had ripped that trust to shreds, only adding to Tony's laundry list of issues. He would die on the floor of his lab, knowing he had failed to protect Pepper and the rest of the population, all due to the creation of his suit and his own weakness.

He survived though, thanks to Rhodes, and was able to face Obadiah. Despite everything the man had done to him, it still hurt Tony to fight him. Obadiah used to bring him candy when he was younger and he had a meeting with Howard. Whether his intentions were malicious or not, he still helped Tony when he first started to work at Stark Industries. And he had been there every step of the way when his parents died. As Tony glanced around and surveyed the damage caused by the 'Iron Monger,' Tony knew what had to be done. The flames licked the side of the building, eating up the wood and wires. People around the building screamed as their cars were tossed about. Pepper cried, trapped inside the building. So, knowing what would happen to Obadiah – and himself – he told Pepper to overload the big arc reactor in the building.

_2012_

It is ridiculous how little people see. Everyone sees him as a two dimensional selfish playboy. Although, he can't really blame them for that. People see what they want. And he does his best to fit that image. But no matter what he puts into Iron Man, people refuse to see any deeper.

"Big man in a suit of armor. Take that off and what are you?" Steve asks, staring him down.

"Genius billionaire playboy philanthropist." Tony responds with the same fire in his voice.

"I know guys with none of that worth ten of you. I've seen the footage – the only thing you really fight for is yourself. You're not the guy to make the sacrifice play, to lay down on the wire and let the other guy crawl over you. You may not be a threat, but you better stop pretending to be a hero."

Not that he'd ever admit it, but that hurts. It's as if everything his father ever said or did was true. Here is Captain America- his childhood hero. He had costumes, comics, dolls, and artwork of this guy. He wanted to be just like him. A hero and someone his father could be proud of. He liked to think that, despite what his father said, he would be good enough for Captain America. Yet Steve Rogers is standing in front of him, confirming all of his worst insecurities. He is a selfish asshole. He isn't a hero. And it has been confirmed by _the_ hero.

He wonders if Steve knows any of this. Or if he is disappointed that he isn't Howard. Tony couldn't blame him. He isn't a charismatic, selfless inventor from the 1940s. Although Tony is more than happy to distance himself from Howard. He wonders if Steve knows anything about what Howard was like after the super soldier went into the ice. Tony wonders if he would even care.

So, he does what he's best at. Deflecting using humor. Putting on more masks and building more masks. And building things. But that's okay.

_2012_

Tony was putting lots of thought into the new design for Avengers Tower. Pepper could see the tiny details that would make each Avenger feel at home, and it left her in awe. She knew Tony was very smart. She knew he cared about the Avengers more than he would like to admit. She did not know the extent to which he felt this way, however.

He and Steve but heads frequently. Yet, looking at the care Tony put into designing his floor, you couldn't tell. Tony doesn't know Clint that well, so the details in his room are astounding. He even knew which Avengers to make close to each other. Apparently, Natasha and Clint are practically inseparable, so their rooms are next to each other. He put Steve and Thor next to each other as well because he assumed they would have the most in common. It was alarmingly kind. Tony would die if she mentioned that though.

When her and Tony showed the Avengers the rooms, they were just as in awe as Pepper herself was. They seemed grateful too, and Pepper could see how the praise made her boyfriend's face glow. It was really nice to see.

She was surprised, however, at how willing he was to let them move in. He tended to block out people and keep them at a safe distance. She isn't aware of anyone he trusts other than her, Rhodey, and Happy. The other Avengers, who he barely knew, moving in was a shock to everyone who really knows the billionaire.

She thinks it'll be good for him to let them in.

_2013_

It was a well-known fact that Tony hated to sit anywhere for long periods of time. Whether it be board meetings, galas, Avengers briefings, or even just long conversations, Tony struggled to focus. Part of it was his ADHD and part of it is his hatred for things to be static. So, a Stark Industries gala and awards ceremony? That is completely out of the question for him. Except this time, he can't get out of it. He will get free drinks and food for the first hour, but after that he is expected to sit through an awards ceremony. So instead, he invites the Avengers. Because maybe they can make this whole thing a little bit better.

"This is so boring." Tony complains to Natasha, Steve, and Clint approximately fourteen minutes into the serious part of the night.

Natasha rolls her eyes. "Tony, you're the one that invited us to this."

"I know because I thought you'd make it less boring."

"Be quiet, there's a speaker up there." Steve shushes them respectfully.

The speaker was the head of a random, lesser tech company. Tony had spoken to him many times about possible deals, but they really had nothing to offer Stark Industries. Also, the CEO was a pretentious asshole. The man, Walter Meyers, rambled on about his experience with microbiology before presenting the corresponding award. Tony could only roll his eyes.

Clint chuckles quietly. "Ugh of course he's enjoying this."

"Let's play ISpy." Tony whispers to them.

Natasha sighs at him. "Tony, you're such a child."

"You're bored too, aren't you?"

She thinks for a moment. "Fine."

Tony glances around trying to think of something creative. He doesn't want to pick a color or something equally as boring, so he decides to do something rooted in gossip. That's always interesting. So he thinks of what he knows about each of the guests before deciding what to say.

"I spy a bald businessman who's cheating on his wife."

Natasha thinks for only a second before responding. "Two tables in front of us on the left."

Tony's jaw drops. "How did you know that?"

"He's holding hands with a woman wearing a wedding ring, but he's not."

"Damn."

"How did you know he was cheating on his wife, Tony?" Clint asks him.

"He got drunk and told me."

"Guys, be quiet." Steve scolds again.

Tony ignores him. "I spy-"

"you just went!" Clint complains.

"But I have a good one. I spy a gala crasher."

The two think for a moment, seemingly stumped.

After a brief period of silence, Steve informs them "Three tables diagonal from us. She works at the bar and changed into a dress after her shift was over."

"Nice catch, Cap."

Steve sighs. "I can't believe I'm humoring you all, but I have one too."

_2014_

During the most recent fight, Tony had noticed lots of issues with the team's armor. Being the resident engineer and consultant for the Avengers, he took it upon himself to improve their current weaponry and make more to help them. He had currently been up for three days straight and finally was wrapping up. He didn't want to push this project off and take any chances just in case they were called on a mission. He had literally put his blood, sweat, and tears into these new weapons.

He called a team meeting and the other five avengers joined him in the conference room so he can show them what he did.

"Okay Natasha, these are for you. I call them 'Widows Bite.' It's your fighting sticks, but they have electricity coursing through them so you can shock the enemies. No big deal, just figured you could use some extra fire power."

"Cool." She picks them up off the table, gives it a couple of test swings, and nods with satisfaction, much to Tony's pleasure.

"For you Clint, I have exploding arrows, ones that release nets, ones the release acid, and ones that are electric. I've still got ideas, so more will be coming for you."

Clint's jaw dropped as he examined what Tony made for him. "These are amazing."

"Thanks, Barton, I'm glad they meet your standard." He jokes, but he did appreciate the genuine gratitude from Clint. He moves on to the additions to the Captain America suit. "Steve, this is a magnetic arm band for you. It works specifically with Vibranium, so it'll call your shield back to you."

"This is so helpful, thank you."

"For Bruce! Stretch pants. This is so you, you know, don't have to wake up naked anymore."

Bruce smiles at him before picking up the pants. "This is a life saver."

"And there we go! If you notice you need anything else, just let me know."

"How long did it take you to do all these?" Steve asks him.

He rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. "Well I've been working on them straight since our last fight."

Bruce's eyebrows raise. "Have you slept?"

"Not really, but I figured we needed them as soon as possible in case another mission comes up."

"This is great, thank you." Clint reiterates.

With that, the team dispersed, leaving Tony standing in the middle of the kitchen, practically sleep walking. He didn't expect much more from them, and they seemed genuinely appreciative, but there's still a bit of an empty feeling in his chest.

Tony wondered if Fury knew about all he did for the team. And if he did, would he care? Probably not. This would probably cement his role as a consultant. Fury would just use him to further the team, rather than place him on it. No matter what, Tony isn't an Avenger. Not really. He's just a consultant. He still has to prove his worth to the team, not that he is doing a very good job of it. Flying a nuke into a wormhole and almost dying didn't seem to cut it. He wonders if they know. Natasha definitely does; she's the one who gave the report. Clint probably does, due to his weird relationship with the other spy. Steve almost definitely read his file. The idea of that exhausts him.

He made himself another cup of coffee.

_2015_

"You created a murder bot, Tony!" Steve yelled.

Tony had really done it this time. Ultron was a fail of epic proportions, and now he is paying the price for it. The team has completely turned against him. Fantastic. This is without the added issue of having to find out Ultron's plans and fight him.

"It was an accident!" Tony defended.

"Why do you even try with this stuff anymore." Clint rolled his eyes.

"Because remember New York? Loki? The Chitauri? How do we defend against something like that?"

Steve didn't understand. None of them understood. None of them saw what he did. The massive spaceship filled with those robotic aliens. He doubted they were the worst thing in the galaxy. He shuddered to think about what is. So, he is trying to protect them. Protect humanity. "A suit of armor around the world" he had said. And sure, his idea backfired. But the point still stands. They will be wiped out eventually. The team rolls their eyes at him mentioning his trip to space, but they ignore what he is actually saying. He isn't bragging about one of the most traumatic moments of his life, he is trying to get them to see the dangers of what is out there.

He thought maybe Bruce would be able to realize the bigger picture, but he backed down at the first sign of a fight. Bruce, who helped him make Ultron as well. But nobody seemed to care about that. The scientist didn't seem eager to take the fall with him either. He wonders why they all attack him without listening. If this were Steve, nobody would bat an eye. But Tony is always the fuck up, so who even gives a shit.

"We are the avengers. We have a god, two assassins, a-" Steve started to ramble at him.

He looks around at each member of the team, each giving him the same hard glare. He wonders what Rhodey and Pepper would think. Actually, he pretty much already knows. They would side against him. He has never felt so alone in a room full of people.

Tony waves him off. "yeah, the team has impressive credentials. But you didn't see what I saw, Cap. Humanity will be wiped out soon and none of us are prepared to stop it."

That was it. His ultimate fear. What he had been having nightmares about since New York. What the magic girl had shown him in his vision. People would die and it would be his fault. Because he could've saved them and didn't. Why won't the team let him help? If they all worked together and just listened to him, they could fix this. But Captain America, God's righteous man, firmly believes he can fight all of space by himself.

Steve accuses, "Why didn't you tell us?"

"Because I knew you wouldn't understand!"

"Yeah, well. I don't understand. I don't understand what you did, your motives, or even you, Tony. How do we even trust you after this?"

_2016_

Tony was doing what he always does – works in the lab. With everything going on within the Avengers, Tony needed an outlet to work out his stress. He hadn't been working on more Iron Man suits like last time, instead devoting his energy to Stark Industries. He figured that would be helpful, but apparently not.

He knew he hadn't been leaving his lab enough. He could tell he was hurting Pepper. He didn't know how to open up to her though, so he avoided the topics. The more she pushed, the more he pulled away. She knew him though. He was trying. He came up for dinner almost every night, which is something he never would've done before. He doesn't sleep in bed next to her too often, which she hates, but he can't sleep anyways. Despite all of that, he never expected her to leave.

"Tony, I think we need to talk." Pepper tells him, entering his lab. Her hair was pulled up into a ponytail and she wore a sleeveless high necked black dress that he had purchased for her for her birthday.

"Yeah, sure. What's up, Pep?" He responds, not looking up from where he is tinkering with the circuit board of the new Stark Phone.

"Can I have your full attention, please?"

"Just a second, I'm almost done with this. Let me just tighten this bolt and… there!" He put down his wrench and spun around in the chair to face her. "What would you like to talk about?"

She sighs and takes a step towards him. "I hate to do this, Tony, but I think we need to take a break."

"Take… a break?" He falters before it really hits him what she's saying.

"Yes."

His voice cracks. "Why?"

He knows why. He just needs to hear it come from her.

"You aren't in the right state of mind for a committed relationship. With all of this accords and avengers business, I don't think we are a good idea."

His eyebrows furrow and he stands up. "Isn't the point of a relationship that we are try to be there for each other in rough times?"

"Please don't make this any harder than it has to be." She says, stepping back towards the door.

He laughs bitterly. "Obviously this isn't that hard for you."

"Don't be like that. I would like us to have a friendship, or at least a working relationship." She tells him, crossing her arms.

His face flattens to be neutral. "Will that be all, Ms. Potts?"

"Tony-" She says softer, and her eyes start to water, but he quickly cuts her off.

"DUM-E!"

"What is DUM-E going to do?"

"Unless you want to be sprayed with that fire extinguisher, I suggest you leave my lab. Probably the building too. Maybe take the rest of the day off." He tells her bitterly, before turning back around to work. The first thing he does once she is gone is removes her access to the lab and his private rooms. He can't blame her, nor is he surprised. He's a mess now and always has been. Pepper deserves better, he's always thought so. He buried the sting of rejection.

_2016_

Tony should've known. _He should've known._ By now, he should be used to the betrayal. He should stop letting people in. But this is Captain America. Captain Fucking America. His dad's pride and joy. Who fought by him, supported him, and lived in his tower. If he couldn't trust Steve Rogers, who could he trust?

Yet here he was. Watching his parents be killed by the man standing twenty feet away from him. Staring into Steve's icy blue eyes, that were filled with both sorrow and a hardened resolve that showed Tony how little he regretted his actions.

"Don't bullshit me, Cap. Did you know?"

He knew the answer before he finished the question. Steve cared more about Bucky than him. He couldn't blame him, of course. This was his best friend and his only link to the 40s. But he feels so used. Steve could have told him. Tony would've understood. He could've helped. He _would've helped._ But Steve felt that this was best kept a secret.

"Yes." The man replied.

And now Tony is angry. And so, so tired.

So he fires at Barnes. He fights Steve. He fights the fact that he actually cares.

_2017_

Peter was having a sucky day. He first lost another backpack, was late to school, and messed up his chemistry test. Plus, there was always the everyday battle of dealing with Flash. Flash had aced the chemistry test, much to Peter's chagrin. The other boy also knew this fact and rubbed it in Peter's face all day. He wasn't sure to be stressed or relieved that he was working in the lab with Tony after school. It'd be nice to see and work with his mentor, but also, he kind of just wanted to go home and lay down.

The second Peter entered the lab, Tony could tell something was up. "Hey, Peter. What's wrong?"

"I got a B- on my AP chemistry test?" Peter shrugs before dropping to the couch.

"What's wrong with that? That isn't too bad." Tony questions, rolling his chair over to face Peter.

"It's not the fact that I got a B- that's bumming me out, it's that I studied for this test for hours. Like, my best efforts only amount to a B-. Why should I even bother studying or trying for a B-? Logically, I know that isn't a bad grade, but for me it is. And I just worked so hard." Peter says, his face turning red due to his embarrassment. "Sorry I'm whining."

"Don't be. I understand how you feel. But you should know that's not true at all. You're a brilliant kid and one bad grade doesn't change that."

He stares at the ground and kicks his foot out nervously. "I know, that's what May said too. But still."

Tony pauses and thinks for a moment before suggesting, "Why don't you work over here with me? It'll help take your mind off of it."

"Yeah, sure!" Peter gives a small smile before following his mentor over to his lab table.

"Here, can you do this for me?" Tony asks, passing Peter some tools and the Iron Man gauntlet.

"You want me to reattach the Iron Man arm?"

"Yeah, I think you can handle it."

A grin splits across Peter's face as he enthusiastically works on the project. "This is so cool!"

_1983_

Tony was suspicious. Howard called him into his lab, which he never does unless something is bad. Tony's designs worked the last he heard of, so it couldn't be that, but that made him all the more confused. He ran through the possibilities in his head. More work? No, Howard had started just leaving them in his room, rather than explain them to Tony. Nothing had happened to his mother, otherwise Jarvis would've told him. Maybe something happened to Jarvis? Tony would die.

When he enters the room, Howard seems pissed. Nothing new.

"What's the matter with you?"

"Nothing. I'm totally fine." Tony says with a stoic face, waiting to figure out what was happening.

"Your teacher called. Told me you got a B- on your chemistry test?"

Tony almost audibly groaned, though that would've been a big mistake. He can't believe that Howard found that out. "I thought teachers were only supposed to call home with failing grades."

"They make an exception for me." Howard slammed his wrench on the table with more force than necessary, making some of the bolts jump off the table. "This is ridiculous. Why didn't you try harder?"

"I did! I studied for hours! It was just a really hard test!" He yelled back in defense, despite knowing an argument is futile.

"You need to work down here with me for the next few days, learn some discipline."

"But you've been drinking and-" Tony starts to explain, but freezes.

"What was that?" Howard harshly asks him.

"Nothing, sir." Tony says quietly.

"Here. Take this."

Howard drops the article he was smelting directly into Tony's hand. The burning hits him instantly in sharp pain, making him cry out. The metal has to be at least 700 degrees and he can feel his skin melting and blistering around it. He's read a lot about burns associated with engineering, as it has happened accidentally before, but it was nothing compared to this.

"What's the matter? Do you have a problem with just standing there and holding something?"

After seeing the intense look in his father's eyes, Tony chokes out a "No, sir."

He couldn't believe that happened to him over a chemistry grade. He had done the extra credit work, so it wasn't like his grade would suffer at all from it. He supposes that doesn't matter though. Howard loves to be pissed at him. Tony can't blame him though. He does mess up a lot.

Tony wishes that this was the only time Howard did something like this. After Howard saw how much more work he could do with Tony's help, with the added bonus of torturing Tony, this became a regular punishment for the boy. Sometimes it was holding the metal his father had just welded. Once Howard shoved a pile of broken glass into his hands. It was always something subtle enough that Tony couldn't tell if Howard did this on purpose to punish him or didn't realize the damage he caused. Knowing Howard, he probably was well aware of what was happening. It's fine. He deserves it.

_2019_

HYDRA. The villainous organization had discovered more leftovers from the Chitauri invasion, and the Avengers were sent to go retrieve them. You would think, after all this time, SHIELD would collect all of the powerful space objects, but apparently not.

The Avengers infiltrated a half destroyed villages in south Russia. This included Tony, Peter Parker, Steve Rogers, Wanda Maximoff, and Natasha Romanoff. They had to dodge and shoot between the half blown up building, so even the terrain was dangerous. The second he thought that, he noticed Peter, fighting a HYDRA villain, standing directly beneath a crumbling wall.

"Spider-Man, watch out!" He yelled out, to no avail.

"What?"

The kid didn't seem to notice what was happening, so Tony sprung into action without thinking. He flew directly underneath the falling building and pushed the boy out of the way.

"Tony!" Peter cried out stumbling towards where his mentor was buried underneath a pile of brick and stone.

"No, I'm fine kid." He wasn't fine. He had so much pressure on his chest he could barely breathe, and his coughing was rattled.

"No, you're not! Your trapped under rubble!" Peter said, grabbing his face.

Tony flipped up the face plate so the kid could see him. "I've got the suit on. It's fine. Just stay calm and go get help."

Peter seemed to be in shock and sat down on the ground next to him. "Oh my God. That was almost me. I could've died. Oh my god."

"Cap, I need a little help on the west side of the building." He spoke into his com, before turning all his attention to the kid. "Look at me. Spider-Man. Hey. You're here. You're not dead. I'm fine." As he said that, he winced, feeling the metal of the suit pierce into his back due to the impact. "It all turned out fine."

"You pushed me out of the way, even though it would hurt you. Why would you do that?"

Tony, despite the situation, laughed out loud. "Do you honestly think I would ever let anything happen to you?"

_2016_

He was helping Rhodey with his physical therapy when the box arrived. It seemed simple – just a regular cardboard box with chicken scratch handwriting on the top. But Tony knew what it was. Well, not what it was precisely, but he knew Steve Rogers well enough to guess. He gingerly took it from the mailman and, ignoring the questions from his friend, took it into the other room. He sat and stared at it. It wasn't that he was afraid, per se, just anxious to see what sort of justification or half-assed apology he would get from Rogers.

Finally, the curiosity outweighed the hesitance. He slowly and carefully removed a knife from his drawer and sliced through the tape. Inside he found a burner phone and a handwritten note.

_Tony,_

_I'm glad you're back at the compound, I don't like the idea of you rattling around a mansion by yourself. We all need family. The Avengers are yours, maybe more so than mine. I've been on my own since I was 18. I never really fit in anywhere – even in the Army. My faith is in people, I guess. Individuals. And I'm happy to say for the most part, they haven't let me down. Which is why I can't let them down either. Locks can be replaced, but – maybe they shouldn't. I know I hurt you Tony. I guess I thought – by not telling you about your parents I was sparing you, but… I can see now I was really sparing myself. I'm sorry. Hopefully one day you can understand. I wish we agreed on the Accords, I really do. I know you were only doing what you believe in, and that's all any of us can do, it's all any of us should. So no matter what, I promise if you - if you need us. If you need me, I'll be there._

_Steve_

Tony let out a choked up laugh. God, there was so much to unpack there. "The Avengers are yours" Steve had said. What a joke. He was here with Rhodey and Vision and that's it. He lost all the kids in the divorce. Natasha turned her back on him. Steve left with Clint and Wanda. Bruce was completely missing in action. Thor was off galivanting in space somewhere. So, how exactly are the Avengers his? And the part about how hopefully Tony can one day understand? Bullshit. Tony understood perfectly. This is about Steve feeling like he can better protect the world, specifically Barnes, than the United Nations. He was arrogant and it got people killed.

He showed Rhodey the note. The other man was furious. He told Tony that he didn't care that this was literally Captain America, no one had a right to treat him this way. Tony didn't believe him. Rhodey also told Tony to burn the letter and toss out the phone. Tony didn't do that either. Instead, he filed it away in his desk drawer. Even though he swore he would never use it, it was good to have. Just in case.

_2017_

It had been a few months since the whole accords incident. Tony had put in lots of work and fought with lots of people, but eventually the Accords had been modified and were much more flexible. Steve and the other Avengers were tucked away safely in Wakanda while they are being pardoned. Technically, Tony isn't supposed to know that, though. According to the files he saw, the Avengers are due to return in a few days. He messaged King T'Challa to let him know the Avengers were welcome back at the compound, as much as it pained him to do so. Instead of dwelling on the past and future, Tony focused on the people who stuck by him.

"Hey, Mr. Stark." Peter chirped, entering the lab.

"Peter." Tony greeted with a smile.

The boy tossed his backpack on the couch and took a seat next to him. "What are we working on today?"

"I was thinking nanotechnology in regard to the suit."

"Awesome." He grinned.

"I think so too."

The other person who visited Tony frequently was Rhodes. He stopped by every so often to see what Tony's working on, help with projects, and/or check in on him. Tony greatly appreciated the gesture. Rhodey had been doing better with his physical therapy and hopefully could rely on just his braces to walk very soon.

"Hey, Tones. Got any upgrades for me?" Rhodey greeted, walking into Tony's lab.

"You know I do, Sour Patch." The other man told him, holding out a new set of braces.

"You're the best. Am I still good to drop by for dinner later?"

Tony smiled. "Always."

So, all things considered, Tony had been doing pretty well. Sure, he missed having Pepper and the rest of the Avengers. How could he not? His body ached every time he thought about his losses. But he had Peter and Rhodey. Vision too, kind of. He had lots of work to do and was able to help people more due to the Accords. So instead, he focused on that. He also finally went to therapy. He isn't sure how he feels about that quite yet.

When the time came to welcome the Avengers back, Tony felt ready.

"Mr. Stark." T'Challa greeted him.

Tony shook his hand. "King T'Challa."

"You're looking much better than the last time I saw you." Gesturing to the lack of a sling around his arm.

He rolled his shoulder subconsciously. "That's not saying much."

"Are you sure you're ready for them to return?"

Tony shrugs and gives a small smile. "If you can forgive them, why can't I? We're in the same boat."

"You are a good man."

T'Challa steps outside for a moment and when he returns, Steve, Natasha, Bucky, Sam, and Clint follow. They all give him various forms of greetings, not meeting his eyes. Except for Steve, no surprise. He stepped up to Tony and gave him a hesitant smile.

"Hey, Tony."

He knew without a doubt, there would be problems. The sight of Steve's shield still made him sweat. Living with them, even if only partly, would be extremely rough. But he was Tony Stark. Iron Man. So, he continues to move forward.

_[Invincible like I've never been]_


End file.
